Couple Recovery After an Affair
The discovery, or even the suspicion, that your partner is having an affair can feel like the end of the world. If you are in this position, you must be wondering if your relationship can survive this, or maybe even wondering if you should bother trying. You do not have to go through this alone or without tools to repair the unfathomable damage.
As a Certified Gottman Therapist, I have been trained to gently support and guide both parties through this and help them understand the context of the affair. I have helped hundreds of couples regain their trust, faithfulness, friendship and rekindle their love, sometimes ending up with a better relationship after the affair.
86% of Marriages are Saved!
The research states that 86% of marriages that go through an affair survive if the couple attends couples counseling, compared with only 56% if the couple gets no help. You do not have to go through this alone or without tools to repair the unfathomable damage. We gently support and guide both parties through this and help them understand the context of the affair.
We DO NOT minimize the damage, but we DO believe there is a way to navigate through it and rebuild trust and faithfulness again.
Some Facts About Affairs:
- In the majority of cases, the spouse does not know about the affair.
- Only 10% will marry their affair partner and then there is a huge mistrust when married. If you leave someone and expect to have a long-term relationship with the partner in the affair, the chances of that actually happening are 1-2%.
- For women, it only takes one liaison and they are more likely to divorce. For men, it takes a serious relationship to divorce.
- There is a higher chance of divorce if the affair is combined-type involvement which equals sex and emotional connection. Wives have more of this type of affair.
- Women are more likely to have affairs with old flames, friends, or neighbors.
- Most affairs are happening at work. From 1990 to present, 50% of wives had affairs at work; between 1980-90, 38% had work affairs.
- Internet Chats are a real problem — partners are more accessible and it fills the need for emotional connection late at night when one of the partners has gone to sleep.
- As many women are having affairs as men.
- Men are more likely than women to separate sex and love.
- When unfaithful wives were younger than 31 years old with no kids, they were more likely to divorce after an affair.
- 26% of men said that they can become sexually involved with an affair partner without becoming emotionally involved; only 3% of women said the same.
- Two-thirds of husbands and wives view falling in love as a valid reason to have an affair.
- Couples need to learn to distinguish “falling in love” and “being in love.” “Mature strong love” is a committed long-term relationship, that may not always be exciting.
- No one can compete with the excitement of an affair, because it is secret, dangerous, and passionate.
- National Geographic reports that the affairs trigger the same chemical reactions in the brain that feel like love.
- There is little reality to an affair because both partners are not in their normal environments.
- The most predictive emotional clue of infidelity is when a spouse is not saying “I love you” to the partner anymore.
- Disclosure of infidelity by wives more frequently leads to divorce than when a husband discloses that he’s been having an affair.
- Men who had mothers with infidelity issues exhibit pathological jealousy and women with dads that were philanderers tended to stay with unfaithful husbands.
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse | The Gottman Institute
I am a Gottman Certified Couple therapist Level I and Level II, and I would be honored to help you and your partner thrive as a couple. If you are interested in a consultation call/text (215) 253-0042, or email: firstname.lastname@example.org